相簿列表 » Dedicate to the Breeze 給微風

白沙屯
第一次看到海我便被震住了，從山裡來的孩子第一次面對如此空曠單一的平面，就像眼睛突然被射入一道強光，不知怎麼看才好。從左到右、從上到下，天空一大片全展給你。微風鹹鹹的，動盪的大海好像無邊際的皺折布幔在沙灘外徐徐蠕動著。我心裡又震撼又焦躁，當濕軟的金黃沙地映出小腳丫時，我簡直發狂，喉頭丫丫做響，雙掌對著天空亂舞，只想把雲彩一片一片撕下來，而雙腳早已不是我的了。像小孩撲向母親一般，一路衝向大海的懷抱，在水中又抓又踢直到氣喪力竭，才爬回沙灘逗弄馬鞍藤上的昆蟲，觀看沙地上噴沙蟹搗細沙的工程。躺著聽小燕鷗吹短哨，那次回家後背部剝了一層皮，但只要想起海，便去沾一小撮鹽巴舔一舔，把自己丟回無邊無際的慈愛幻想中，讓全身毛孔被千萬柔指撫摸著……。
長大後泡過無數海水，但童年那一片金黃沙地的影像從未失色。三十年後我有幸舊地重遊─也許是大不幸，還沒靠近沙灘便被一股臭氣嗆得上身微縮，焦黑的草根旁盡是廢輪胎，建材廢料白白惡臭的濃煙就是從那裡竄出來的。但我認為自己還受得了，再走上十分鐘就不那麼認為了，眼前橫著一堵看不到盡頭的水泥牆─一坨巨大無比的垃圾！聽得到海濤但看不見海，心想快快越過這堵水泥堤防，總有慈母的微笑吧！但攀到堤防頂我不想下去了，沙灘上擠滿了保麗龍、漂流木、鞋子、水管、尼龍布。各種凹凹坑坑的塑膠，海水浮著一層油光，風是帶腥味的，水我記得是寶藍色的，怎麼是灰黑？沙灘我記得是金黃色的，怎麼是無盡的灰白？馬鞍藤？噴沙蟹？小燕鷗？！算了，我逃的比來時快。
母親死了我知道，但她怎麼可以死得這麼骨碎腸流？那一天我無法嚥下任何一口帶鹹味的食物，一口都辦不到。

Baishatun
I was deeply shocked when I first time saw the ocean. As a child coming from mountain living, facing such spacious and open single two-dimension is like a blaze shooting into eyes. I have no idea how to watch it. From left to right, up to down, the whole sky displays in front of you. The sea breeze is salty. The waving ocean is like boundless folding fabric slowly wriggling outside the sandy beach. I am so shocked and anxious. When my small feet prints showing on the golden sand ground, I feel like almost going mad. My throat is dried and barely makes sound while my palms reach upwards to the sky chaotically. All I wan to do is to tear those clouds down, piece by piece while I almost cannot feel my feet. Like a child throws himself into his mother, I rush myself all the way into the ocean. I hardly scratch and kick in the water till I am totally exhausted. Then I return to sandy beach to tease insects on seashore vine morning glory, watch carefully on the construction by sand bubbler crabs (Scopimera longidactyla) and lie down listening to terns whistling. That time I return to home with serious sun burn on my back. Since then, whenever I think of ocean, I will go get one small pinch of salt and lick it so that I could throw myself into the boundless fantasy of mother’s caring and love and imagine each pore of mine tenderly caressed by mother’s finger….

After grow-up, I have soaked into ocean for many times. Somehow the image of golden sandy beach in my childhood memory remains vivid. 30 years later I am very fortunate to visit this place again – maybe it is not a fortunate but rather a torture because I got shocked by stinky smell without ever approaching the beach. By those over-burn grass roots there are discarded tires while the white and stinky heavy smoke from burning the discarded construction materials comes from there. I thought I could take this and naively thought maybe I would feel it after another ten-minute walk. In front of my eyes there stands a cement wall without ends, which is such a giant trash! I could hear the sound of wave but I cannot see the ocean. I want to cross this cement dike as soon as possible so I could see the smile of my ocean mother. Upon reaching the top of dike, I give up the thought of going on because I see the beach is filling out with Styrofoam, drifting woods, shoes, water pipes, nylon clothing, and different shapes of plastic products. There is a layer of dirty grease over the ocean, and the wind smells so fishy. I remember that the water is royal blue. How come now it is such grayish black? I remember that the sandy beach is golden. How come now it is endless grayish pale? Where is seashore vine morning glory? Where are sand bubbler crabs? How about my little terns? Forget it! I run away much faster than I came.

I know my ocean mother died. How could she die in such deteriorated way? On that day I cannot swallow any salty food, even just one bite.